When is enough really enough?

So there was a plane crash in Lagos - Dana Airline - which killed all 153 people on board and at least 10 people on ground. We were naturally all shocked beyond description. Shock turned into depression and anger for some and I believe I can say almost certainly that it saddened practically every Nigerian.


It has been two weeks since. There have been religious services held in honour of the departed, there have been TV programmes, there have been articles in the papers and on the internet etc. Well.....now what?


Slowly, things seem to be creeping back to business as usual. We are going back to our normal routine and in no time, something new will happen to completely take our attention and we move on with this incidence only a distant memory....until the next disaster happens to jolt our memory.


Church attacks have become routine; so much so that there is little or no reaction when the news breaks. When would we as a people have had enough and rather than having knee jerk reactions actually do something to stop the menace that has now become life as we know it?


We live in a society where we have to provide for ourselves security, power, water, roads....you name it. A society where people die because doctors are on strike, where someone is attacked by armed robbers and cannot access medical attention because doctors first want to see police report. Where you are trapped in your house by armed robbers and even if you manage to put a call through to the police, they ask you to come and pick them up because they are unable to fuel their vehicles. And yet our lawmakers and other custodians of our common wealth continuously rob us blind. We hear of billions and trillions of naira being misappropriated to the extent that it all seems so incredible.


I was personally heartbroken at the unceremonious collapse of the 'occupy Nigeria' - protest against fuel subsidy removal and bad government at the beginning of this year. I had hoped that it would have been a turning point in the governance of our beloved country but alas...


The sooner we realise that we have to take our destiny in our own hands, shape our future and be willing to pro actively take action to ensure we actualise our dreams, the sooner we will begin to record progress. We have to appreciate that sacrifices have to be made for success to be achieved.


I have since decided to play my own part by doing the little I can not to feed or encourage the monster of corruption in Nigeria. Little things like not giving/offering bribes, obeying the law, paying my bills as and when due, rejecting mediocrity, questioning and speaking up against poor service etc. This may seem small in comparison to the rot in the system but if even 60% of us did this we would without doubt have a much better society.

ESOHE

May 27th is special because it's my sister's birthday.


Esohe my first sister. The one I asked for. I have loved you from before you were born. That was because I desperately wanted a sister to play with; but I have loved you even more since you came into my life because you are the kindest, most loving, caring, giving and positive person I know. You radiate love in all you do. You are such a strong person that I often wonder how you do it. You never allow yourself to stay down. No matter what the world throws at you, you just pick yourself up and keep trudging on. You inspire me in so many ways and I just want you to know that I feel very fortunate that I have you in my life.


I remember our childhood years when we were in such a hurry to grow up! All the fun, laughter, tears and sometimes mischief (lol) Suddenly we are all grown up and living our separate lives, chasing our separate dreams. It now seems like such a distant memory when we would certainly go to bed in the same house and sometimes even in the same room! I remember when we would watch a scary movie and you would beg me to allow you sleep in my room and even though I would have been scared too, I would sometimes be difficult just to make it seem as though I was the tougher one hehehehe... I wish we could go back there even if just for a weekend. I really miss those days.


I want you to know darling that I love you now, and I will love you till the end of time. 


May your new year be filled with blessings more than you can possibly imagine and ALL that your heart truly desires. You deserve it and more xx

Precious Moments

Abuja: June 3rd 2012


I was with a dear friend for about an hour from noon. He had unknowingly or unintentionally annoyed me previously and so when I saw him today I was a bit cold towards him.
He had come to Abuja yesterday to attend a party along with quite a few of his friends. I met up with him just as he was trying to book a flight back to Lagos. He had tried a couple of airlines without luck - including my preferred one 'Dana Air' the flights were all full. The only available flight seemed to be the late evening Dana but that didn't seem suitable because his friend had to be at a function in Lagos at 4pm. The most ideal one would have been the afternoon Dana flight. Even though I know someone who may have been able to get them on the Dana afternoon flight, I just didn't bother making any attempt to help because I was in a bad mood. I sat there with them for a little while and left. Just as I was about to get into the car, my friend asked me what the matter was and I replied saying 'we would talk later'.

I got home and went straight to bed as I was not feeling very well. Only to be woken a couple of hours later, with the news that there had been a plane crash in Lagos - Dana Air from Abuja. Oh my God! My heart sank! I immediately called my friend and confirmed that he was fine but he apparently had two friends on the flight (May their souls rest in peace)

As the evening unfolded and I received calls from friends and family checking for my safety and as I also called friends and family, I began to reflect on what is really important. I thought about the reason for my annoyance at my friend and I realized that it truly did not matter in the least. I wondered how I would have felt had he been on that flight and I had wasted the last minutes I had with him bearing a grudge.

This incidence today has once again impressed upon me the need to focus on what truly matters and to try my best not to waste precious moments.

My heart goes out to the families and friends of all who lost their lives in the plane crash and the bomb blast today. May you all have the strength and wherewithal to bear this terrible loss. 

Frenemies

Some say we all have a friend we secretly hate.....

In this era of social media and its attendant abbreviations and acronyms, this sort of friend is what is referred to as a " Frenemy"

These  friends are only interested in the negative around  you. Where there is no negativity, they are happy to create. They light up only when you are unhappy. They come around you as much as they possibly can and yet, they do not wish you well; often time they cant even stand you. To your face, they proclaim love and support for you  and yet behind your back, they wish you pain and suffering.When something goes wrong in your life, they celebrate. When something goes wrong in their life, they blame you! They are never interested in sharing happy times. They try to manipulate you at every opportunity. And then there are the ones who only want to take, take, take and take some more. They take but do not appreciate.They may even ridicule you in your kindness.

This is not the same thing as having a friend gossip behind your back, no. This individual does not like you!

I cannot help but wonder if all of this drama is even worth the energy that is invariably put into it. I mean if you do not like somebody why would you want to expend so much energy and time on the same person? If  nothing else, I see it as a form of cowardice. I personally, am one who would rather speak my mind. I say it as it is! Regardless of how pleasant or otherwise ( I just can't help it. Lol)

Some people might rush to assume that this problem is peculiar to women. Believe me when I tell you, nothing can be farther from the truth.

I read somewhere that someone who hates you normally does for one of three reasons. They either see you as a threat, they hate themselves or they want to be you and I am in fact inclined to believe this.

SAY NO!

Sadly, it appears to me that drug abuse is on the rise in Nigeria. As I live in Lagos, I ordinarily had assumed that this problem was probably most prevalent here given the fact that it is a commercial hub. I have however recently had cause to rethink that notion.

I spent the last three weeks in Abuja and as lovely, calm and sane as the place is, I happened to notice a seemingly high level of drug abuse. I can’t help but wonder if there is a direct link between the hardship and injustice prevalent in the country and this apparently high drug use.

My friend had told me previously how people in Abuja use cough mixtures containing codeine as a means of getting “high” and how the drug is touted outside pharmacy stores but I thought she was exaggerating. Lo and behold, one evening we had gone to a big pharmacy just round the corner from where I was staying and as we were still trying to park the car, a young boy had come to the side of the car asking if we wanted cough syrup. Surprised, I thought to myself “well I am right in front of a pharmacy, if I do in fact need cough syrup, surely I could just walk in and get it.” So I went in and got what I was there for. Just before I walked out of the door, the curiosity got the best of me and I decided to find out what the little episode outside was really about. To my utmost amazement, when I did ask for a cough syrup containing codeine, I was told that it was out of stock! That left me with only one explanation (at the risk of stating the obvious). It is so high in demand that it has become a scarce commodity. Now is cough syrup so high in demand because there is an outbreak in Abuja?

In Lagos on the other hand, marijuana sales and use seems to be the main activity on most of the beaches where you would typically find people cutting across all social classes smoke it without much ado. I happen to have seen first-hand how drug abuse can affect an individual and so this seemingly sudden scourge causes me to worry for the next generation and the future of our country.

Hair update

Its already been over a year since I did the big chop! (one year and three months) It feels like yesterday.

This morning, a friend sent me the picture below from the early days on my hair journey; I had to LOL!!

 I must say its been very exciting. My friends and family have had nothing but compliments for me (lucky me lol) The one thing that surprises me though is the fact that everyone just takes it for granted that this is a passing phase. They keep saying to me "oh your hair has really grown. It will be so long when you relax it." I initially used to protest and try to explain to them that it is a decision I have taken for the long run but they never listen so these days I just smile.

Like me, everyone is amazed at how quickly my hair has grown, and they keep asking me for my regimen. I tell them the truth, but I suspect that they do not believe me so I'm going to say it here lol.

1. I often wear protective styles e.g braids, twists, and crocheted in extensions. When I do, I keep them in for a minimum of four weeks and a maximum of six.
2. I do not allow pressure on my edges. When I have my hair braided or twisted in the salon, I am very particular (infact I bet I can be described as a pain! lol)
3. I keep my hair moisturized ALL the time with good old oil (be it olive, castor or shea butter)
4. When my hair isn't in a protective style, I wash and condition it at least once a week. Sometimes twice, it depends on how physically active the week went.
5. I always use a leave in conditioner
6. I hardly ever use heat on my hair. I generally let it air dry. 
7. I have never really done a deep condition (believe!) so I cant comment on that.
8. I always put my hair in two strand twists (to put it away) and wear a satin scarf (silk is said to be better but I aint got one lol) over it at bedtime

So there you have it; my hair regimen!

Here are some of my protective styles

 Here are some pictures of my journey so far

And here is my sister. My number one hair inspiration!

So there you have it guys, I hope this has been enjoyable. Please feel free to comment.

MMIA

Murtala Mohammed International Airport Lagos.


It’s always such an experience using this airport. Not necessarily pleasant, but an experience none the less. It has in fact become like a game to me to see how many people I encounter would let me escape without trying to in one way or another to extort money from me or as my friend and travel agent termed it ‘begging with confidence’. Even the airline staff are not left out. I mean every single person from the entrance till you get on the plane, wants you to part with money.

Sometimes it’s funny, but most of the time it’s just down right irritating. So today as part of the security screening process, I put my case on the table to be searched by three different government agencies one after the other. Each of the officials try their luck at begging me for money as usual and I in turn, try to ‘dodge’. Then I come to the last one who happens to be female. As soon as she sees me, she says I look familiar. She didn’t look familiar to me so I really couldn’t help shed light on that. She then asks me where I am from i.e. what Nigerian tribe. As soon as I say to her that I am from Benin, she shows an immediate lack of interest which amused me but I really wouldn’t bother much about it. And then we come to the most important point where she asks for ‘breakfast money’. I immediately say to her ‘nothing today o’ and she goes ‘oooh no wonder your face looks familiar, that’s what you always say to us!' If it wasn’t so sad a situation, I may have fallen down laughing. These people have apparently long lost any iota of shame, self-respect, dignity or integrity. This is obviously the same treatment metted out to practically every user of that airport. Just the thought of it right now, makes me shudder with embarrassment! If they do not care about the image of our beloved country, how about their own images? I can’t help thinking that these are people's fathers, mothers, sisters, uncles, friends, spouses etc. A little self-respect surely would be in order here jeez!!

PARENTHOOD

I wish more parents would take more responsibility in the discipline and upbringing of their children. These days, people seem so eager to have children like its some sort of contest but once the child is born, they seem even more eager to pass on the responsibility to someone else; anyone else!

My most recent experience of this sort happened on a flight from Lagos to London. I was seated in the row immediately behind the first row in the aisle seat and there were two young children (no more than 3 & 5 yrs old) sitting in the two seats next to mine. There was a nursing mother sitting directly in front of me, so I naturally assumed her to be the mother of the two youngsters beside me. I was however later to discover that to be far from the truth.

Crying over spilled milk....

It is incredible how much we worry over situations that cannot be changed. I personally am mightily guilty of this kind of behavior. Something happens or fails to happen and I know with all certainty that the situation cannot be changed; yet I continue to worry. I try to analyze and rationalize the situation. You end up spending more time, energy and emotions and yet yeild no results. I wonder if there is a subconscious emotion that causes this.

I am familiar with the saying "whenever you wake up is your morning" so whats the point crying over spilled milk? Why don't we just get up, dust ourselves and keep forging ahead? In the year just gone by, I have tried to train myself to do just that. I would not say with certainty that I have achieved it completely, but I do know that I am no longer in the place where I used to be. GROWTH!

A Year Older

It's my birthday. Yay!!!

Looking, back on the year just gone by, I can say without fear of contradiction that it has been the most eventful in my life so far. I have been through up's and down's, joy and pain, tears and laughter; so much so that I am a bit surprised that it has only been a year and it all makes me realise how so very fortunate I really am. I have learnt so much and grown so much that I know for sure that I am a very different person from the person I was on this day last year.

Through all my trials this past year, I enjoyed the unwavering love of my family. I have come to appreciate that love truly conquers all. I have come to appreciate that life is a gift, and good health an added bonus - one that should never be taken for granted.

With all of this in mind, I look forward with renewed vigour to the journey ahead.

I may not be where I want to be but I am definitely on course.

Have you met your body double?

In the midst of the busy busy life I have just jumped into, I absolutely have to share this!

I have recently gone into a new business venture  which requires me liaising with businesses in a different time zone so I find myself having to keep awake in the wee hours of the morning. In the middle of one of these nocturnal virtual  business days, I decided to "keep busy" on facebook (lol). I went straight to one of my favourite pages (Black Girl With Long Hair) to feed my new addiction - Natural hair. There I was, looking through pictures of my co travellers on the natural hair journey (mind you, I have never posted a picture on this page) and lo and behold, I come face to face with a picture of two women, one of which I was sure was ME! You cannot imagine how stunned I was. I stared at this picture for the longest time and finally asked the person sitting next to me to take a look. His reaction was same as mine. I could not believe my eyes. I decided then to save the picture to my computer so as to keep it for records.

The next day, I went back to the picture and needless to say my amazement had not reduced. I then decided to ask a family member. I sent the picture to my sister without any explanation. All I said was "what to you think?" Here is the conversation that followed.

Sis:  Lol is that all your hair? It's loads!! And your friend is natural too?" 
Me: You wont believe! I saw that picture on facebook. It's not me at all.
Sis: Huh? It's not you? It's you kissing her (I guess trying to identify the one in the picture who she was SO sure was me)
Me: I swear! my eyes almost popped out when I saw it. The resemblance is too much! Incredible.
Sis: Hmmmmm.........that's incredible. But you have a blue dress like that.
Me: That's why I had to show you. I couldn't believe it.
Sis: Wow!

I'm guessing she still doesn't believe it. What do you all think? I am considering tracking this Lady down. Good idea?

Been so long.....

Wow!
I cant believe its been 5 whole months since the last time I was here. Well.... I shall be back as soon as possible to fill you in on all that has happened. Least of which is the progress I have recorded on my natural hair journey.
Hold your breath!! :D