Friday, 25 February 2011

To Judge or not....

Why do people feel the need to impose their standards on everyone else?

It has become more and more obvious to me how so very judgmental people generally are. The average person I come across these days seems to be in a hurry to judge everyone else and in fact everything by their own standards (or lack of it).
You think your way is either the only way or at the very least the right way. You jump to conclusions at every opportunity. You expect everyone to think and behave like you do, not caring whether your audience even supports your way of thinking and regardless of whether you are indeed qualified to make any assessments - which often time you are not! Nothing but nothing gets past you - even the minutest details. You believe you know what's going on in everybody's head, why they have done what they did, what they will do next, and on and on the list goes! Surely we can just agree to disagree? Must we analyze everything, and then offer unsolicited advice as a matter of fact?

I cant help but wonder if this is a new phenomenon. Have we always been like this?

I am sure that I can be described as being opinionated myself but at the same time, I am very open minded and accommodating of others' views. My opinion is just that - "my opinion"- it ends there. I make a conscious effort not to judge people at all, I only wish that more people could be like me :0)

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Sharing in a relationship

Are we allowed to have private lives within a relationship? How much is too much to share in a relationship?

Sharing the same bedroom, using the same email address, going through each others phones, sharing office space, having the same circle of friends, shaving your legs with your partner for audience, sitting on the toilet bowl while your partner is in the shower???!!??

Growing up, my parents had separate bedrooms - my father maintains that a woman needs to have her own room whether or not she sleeps in it.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Sixty is the new Forty

I saw this phrase in a book recently and it got me thinking.

I look back at my childhood years with amazement. The conduct of mine and in fact most parents those days is so different to what is obtainable today. The same is true for the relationship between parents and children  comparing those days to the present day. Parents were more feared than respected. Parents were like gods whereas they are now friends.

A simple example is birthday parties. When I was a child, children's parties were for CHILDREN. The parties in my household were in fact left to my mum and us, my dad was never present. We invited our friends who's mums dropped them off and came back at an agreed time to pick them up. All attention was on the children - making sure we had all the fun.
These days however, it is a very different scenario. It is a child's first birthday and all the friends and acquaintances of the parents are invited whether or not they have children to bring along. The ratio is probably 500 adults to 100 children! The parents have as much (maybe more) fun as the children. They dress up to the nines and come out and socialize with their friends.

Growing up, I never saw my dad wear anything but a formal suit or traditional outfits oh and of course for dress down days, the occasional French suit (remember them? I've never seen anything quite so funny!) And as for my mum, dressing down meant the traditional Iro and buba!
These days though, parents are so fly! They know all the 'in' things, the 'must haves'. They are up to date with fashion, music, technology, you name it.....they have fun with their kids. I attended a PTA meeting once in a Lagos secondary school and I remember thinking "hmmm....these mums sure look good!" There's no way you could find mums looking like that in my school's PTA.

I often find myself having to consciously calculate my age (lol) and constantly experience surprise at the result. A few of my friends also have admitted same. So is sixty really the new forty?

Tuesday, 8 February 2011


So I chopped off all my hair at the beginning of this year and boy am I relieved!

 I recently watched the documentary by Chris Rock "Good hair" and it was such an eye opener. I saw the origins of all this human hair that we wear, I saw the effects of relaxers on our health and body etc
I had been toying with the idea of going 'natural' for a few months but didn't really have the guts to do it until I saw this documentary. I just could no longer bring myself to wear hair that has been sacrificed at temples for whatever reasons. Neither could I sit and allow relaxer be applied to my hair and scalp. Just the thought of it made me cringe and feel physical pain!

I have now been wearing my hair in its natural state for 5 weeks and I have never been so happy and confident about my hair. Some people who are on or have taken this same journey have had unpleasant experiences with people making snide comments but truth be told, I have had nothing but compliments.

For me, its more than just the new found fear or wariness of relaxing/altering my hair texture or wearing dodgy weaves or damaging my scalp. It is more of a spiritual move. It is a step forward in embracing who I am . I don't know where this journey will take me, but I'm sure looking forward to the ride.